An evening of Beef and Lamb

On Thursday I went to a cricket legends dinner organized by the British Chamber of Commerce in Hong Kong. Apart from the free booze, the main reason for going was to hear some good anecdotes and they didn’t disappoint.

Beefy was slicker and a more experienced speaker than Lamby and opened up with the tale of how he ran Geoff Boycott out in New Zealand. Considering how many times he must have told this tale, he managed to make it sound fresh, and his appalling Boycott impression was worth the entrance fee on its own.

Lamby had some good gags, including the infamous Glenn McGrath-Eddo Brandes biscuit sledge and also reminded the audience that Pietersen and Tony Greig aren’t the only Saffers to captain England (Lamb captained England for three tests, without much success).

We were invited to write questions for the speakers, and, while some of my table’s ruder ones got filtered out, we still got some good questions in. In response to “Who is the most annoying person to commentate with and why?” Beefy answered Bumble when he’s in one of his darker moods. Apparently Nasser is ok now that they have got him to relax a bit and new boy Athers has no sense of smell and sometimes forgets to wear deodorant, which is tough on the other people in the studio!

The great Derek Randall also featured regularly in the anecdotes. Apparently the poor guy once got to the middle during a test match only to discover that Ian Botham had filled his batting gloves with condoms. I forget what he had done to deserve this.

When asked whether he would rather be stuck in a lift with Ian Chappell or Peter Roebuck, Beefy replied that he wasn’t sure because: “One’s gay and complicated, and the other’s just thick”.

It was also amusing to watch the charity auctioneers struggle to persuade Hong Kong’s bankers to part with their cash on one of the worst days for the stockmarket in many years.

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Do cricketers improve with facial hair?

Once again England are looking like a decent one-day side (SA 167-8 as I write), forcing me turn to the blog in confusion

I see that Steve Harmison has again bowled well, removing Hashim Amla, the only South African batsman to really get going. He is also sporting a fairly trendy goatee, as he likes to do now and again. Maybe it’s just me, but I think he bowls better, and more menacingly, when he has a beard. I also find Corey Collymore with a beard is a few miles quicker and a bit more intimidating than when clean shaven.

And this got me thinking that, Cricinfo, for all its statistical brilliance, does not break down cricketers’ careers into periods when they have facial hair and periods when they don’t. This is a shame. I am convinced that facial hair improves a cricketer’s performance and that Steve Harmison and Corey Collymore's figures would back this up.

I’d be interested to know if this theory holds true elsewhere. Did David Boon or Merv Hughes ever have clean-shaven phases to their careers? How did they perform? Read more...

What is the Champions Trophy for?

To avoid the confusing scenes on the TV of England looking like a half decent one-day side (SA 26-2 when I started), I thought I’d jot down a few thoughts on the “postponement” of the ICC trophy.

1.Personally, I think the tournament should have gone ahead. The terrorist threat has been exaggerated because cricketers (and maybe administrators?) don’t want to go to Pakistan. I’ve never been to Pakistan, so I am, like all bloggers, speculating here. But why would terrorists seeking to further their cause in a cricket-mad country like Pakistan think it was a good idea to blow up international cricketers? Try to imagine a terrorist organization dedicated to the cause of English independence aiming to attract support by bombing premiership football matches. Unlikely.

2. It is not a postponement, more of a delayed cancellation. Michael Clarke and Cricket Australia’s comments after the announcement make it pretty obvious most of the players didn’t have the slightest intention of going. Australia haven’t toured Pakistan since 1998, and, assuming Pakistan do manage to prove the security situation has improved, Australia would need to postpone a series against India to play the Champions Trophy in October 2009. Hell will freeze over before that happens.



3. Once again the small nations are getting screwed over. Pakistan is not going to play a test this year and the team is going rapidly downhill. Osman Samiuddin has written a great article for Cricinfo about the wider significance of the decision. Assuming the powers that be do find a way to force Australia, England, South Africa etc to play in the Champions Trophy there in 2009, the West Indies will then be forced to host yet another CT in 2010 (I can see the empty stands now). After all that we will then move on to the 2011 World Cup, which will be held in the four Asian nations (security conditions permitting). Do we really need three identical 50 over tournaments in a row? Which lead me on to point four:

4. Why not just use this as an opportunity to get rid of the trophy? What is the point of having a tournament that exactly mimics the World Cup? The ICC’s website gives no clues, stating simply: “The ICC organises a second 50-overs per side event in addition to the ICC Cricket World Cup called the ICC Champions Trophy, which takes place every two years.” Apparently it is officially known as the “ICC knockout”. The ICC could kill the tournament off and use the space created to put a longer 20-20 Champions League in place. Or just give the players a rest, for once.

Anyway, enough depressing blather. South Africa are now 45-5. Broad is the new McGrath. Now I’ve got another reason to be annoyed the Champions Trophy has been postponed: England would clearly have won it!

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My Favourite Cricketing Monikers

1. The King of Spain

During Ashley Giles’s benefit year at Warwickshire, he commissioned a couple of hundred mugs bearing his own mug and the catchy logo “Ashley Giles: King of Spin”.

An inspired error in printing the logo led to his staking an unusual claim on a Bourbon dynasty, Il Rey de España was crowned. The moniker stuck and competed with Henry Blofeld’s rather cruel (but apt) suggestion that his run up resembled a wheelie bin being trundled to the crease. The unlikely charm of both somehow fitted an enduring cricketer, who despite never winning the purists over produced match and series winning performances with the ball- often took us over the line in run chases and was one of the safest gully fielders we’ve ever had. Viva Ashley!

2. ‘Creepy’ Crawley

John Crawley was one of the best players of spin-bowling of his generation and third to Ramprakash and Hick of the great English batsman to be prolific at first class level but not to play a full part at Test level. However despite playing fewer Tests than either of the others, his Test stats were respectable in his era (1800 runs in the mid 30s, and a masterful hundred against Murali) and whenever he was in the side he was one of our toughest batsmen to dismiss.

Expected to follow Atherton from Cambridge great to England great via greatness at Lancashire, he now plies his trade as a veteran run-machine for Hants consistently scoring big on an unforgiving Rose Bowl track. I don’t think there’s any particular story associated with the nickname, I just love it.

3. Tugga and Afghanistan

Born four minutes apart, the Waugh twins started their career competing for one slot but both ended up with stratospheric careers for the baggy greens. Stephen “Tugga” Waugh was one of the great Test captains (or more uncharitably captained arguably the greatest Test side of all time) and arguably the most durable batsman of his era. His positivity as skipper, armed with Warne, McGrath, Gilchrist, Ponting and Hayden helped to accelerate the transformation of Test cricket into a faster scoring, higher-octane sport.

In the era in which they played, Tests were unarguably the blue riband format for the Aussie public- thus Mark ‘Afghanistan’ Waugh could be compared to the ‘forgotten war’ of the early 80s. If both had been starting their careers today Mark, with his explosive one-day batting, great fielding and deceptively good off-spin, would have been an ideal Twenty:20 player and their prominence might just have been reversed.

4. Aloo

“Does he not like potatoes?” This was an inspired piece of crowd sledging by an Indian fan during an ODI in Canada of all places. So incensed was the comfortably proportioned Pakistan skipper Inzamam ul-Huq that he left the field of play, threatening the fan with his bat. I’ve yet to see an other cricketer wound up by being compared to a vegetable- perhaps this could be an area where the Barmy Army might just give us an edge. I’ve often thought gangly young Indian pacer Ishant Sharma looks a little bit like an Asparagus…

5. The Shermanator

Shane Warne’s sledge from second slip to Ian Bell during the 2005 Ashes was brilliantly inventive because like all great nicknames it had a kernel of insight to it. Bell physically resembles the ginger nerd from the American Pie franchise but he was also a callow youth in that series. The Aussies would have seen his technique and potential to score runs against them, but Warne also looked into his soul and saw a scared youngster, new to the side, insecure of place (he was effectively playing at the expense of England’s best batsman at the time, Graham Thorpe) and unsure of how to approach the two greatest bowlers in cricket. Boy did it work, a class player made little impact on the series, and it took tours playing the generally less ‘in your face’ bowlers of South Asia for him to rebuild his game.

Even now, a veteran of 40-odd tests often looks worryingly insecure. You get the sense he actually works on trying to have presence at the crease. If he’s thinking about that, by definition he will be lacking. England desperately need him to flourish. If he does, he will be one of the top batsmen in the world, and we’ll need a new nickname. I’ve always thought “tinker” would be good.

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A settled Jimmy....

Is this the summer that finally cements James Anderson’s place in the England side? Throughout the recent series against South Africa he demonstrated real verve leading the attack, swinging the ball both ways and achieving, dare I say it, some consistency. Since his debut back in 2003, Jimmy has been a fairly peripheral figure; the ‘fab four’ of 2005 left him sidelined, and when opportunities arose they were usually spoiled by either injury or a wayward performance. His uncanny knack of following magical spells with frustratingly woeful garbage was legendary, exemplified by contrasting performances only five months ago - a sparkling outing at Wellington which turned to pure dross in Napier. Form seemed irrelevant. ‘Jimmy No-Aim’ would rear his ugly head without warning and without reprieve.

Fast forward five months, and there can be are few English players as satisfied with their performances this summer. Jimmy took the new ball in each match and bowled with aplomb, causing the South African batsman real problems with his testing lines and late swing, and finishing the series as England’s leading wicket taker. With Matthew Hoggard struggling for pace at Yorkshire and Ryan Sidebottom’s back proving a shaggy-haired question mark, Anderson’s place in the side for the next 12 months looks as assured as his bowling. Let’s hope it remains so. Because with Simon Jones getting back to his best and plenty of attacking options for England to choose from, Jimmy needs to maintain this consistency to maintain his position....

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England's Ashes obsession

It doesn’t take much to get England players and fans optimistic about their chances in an Ashes series. One victory in a dead rubber after badly losing a home series seems to be enough.

While Kevin Pietersen barely put a foot wrong on the field, his immediate declaration that his team was good enough to win back the Ashes was misguided. Obviously there is nothing wrong with pundits such as Ronnie’s Ghost looking ahead to the Ashes, but you would expect the England team to know better.

Australia had exactly the right response: silence and then some brilliantly patronising comments by Tim Nielsen. The telling quote for me was: “We've got a couple of big series coming up that are taking up most of our thinking at the moment.”

Isn’t that the case for England as well? If I’m right England have a Champions Trophy one day competition (if they deem Pakistan safe enough), an opportunity to avenge last summer’s home defeat against India, a series against the Windies and then a potentially very tricky series against Sri Lanka, who recently moved above England in the ICC Test Championship, can beat all comers at home and now have a mystery spinner. Given that England once managed to make Paul Adams look like Shane Warne , we should be a bit worried. All that remains is for people to start excusing poor performances by Harmison on tour by saying “it will be different during the Ashes” and another 5-0 defeat becomes a real possibility.

Two other points stand out for me in this opening round of Ashes speculation. First, the idea put forward by Andrew Millar on Cricinfo today that Pietersen as captain is the Aussies worst nightmare doesn’t make much sense to me. Usually in a test series the Aussies target a team’s captain and best batsman. Haven’t we just made their life easier by combining the two? Plus there’s plenty of opportunity for sly digs about his nationality.

Second, a few weeks ago the ECB was complaining about the fact that India’s cricket board had denied the fans the chance to visit some of the country’s great cricket venues during their tour. But why should India bother putting England in the decent venues if our tour there is nothing more than an insignificant warm up for the Ashes?

We could, possibly, win the Ashes, but it’s not even vaguely likely at the moment. We would need our entire team to be fit, and to have the kind of luck we had last time (McGrath’s injury, Ponting’s bad call at Edgbaston, Gillespie losing his mojo etc etc).

Most importantly it is vital that we start the Ashes after notching up a long sequence of victories. And we can only do that by taking each match as it comes, which is the cliché Pietersen should have used after the Oval victory. Read more...

A blow for Jones....

Simon Jones has spent the summer proving all the obituary writers wrong by taking over forty wickets for Worcestershire at 18 runs a pop. With talk of an England recall abound, Jones was selected for the England Lions squad to play two one day matches against South Africa starting this Thursday. However, this morning he pulled out with a hamstring injury.

Time is pressing for Jones to make his England case in time for the Ashes. With plenty of fast-bowling options available, he needs a stand-out performance against the likes of South Africa to prove to the selectors that he is really back, and can rediscover the devastating form of 2004-5. He has one thing is his favour: the memory of the reverse swing he produced throughout the summer of 2005 will still haunt the Australian batsmen. They will not want to face him in similar form next summer. Jimmy Anderson (for the 2007 Ashes and THAT over in the 2003 World Cup) offers them much happier memories....

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